I have way way too much to write and I need to go get ready right now so I will elaborate later

but my boyfriend is coming over now

and i’m not even excited

in fact I feel a sense of dread

what’s wrongg with me

If theres anyone other than me reading this (which I doubt) please don’t tell me you’ve read this.

But I need to get it out. FUUUCK. It’s been like 2 months since me and CP last met, which is two months of NO ACTION. I know I sound like a whore but mehh a girl’s got her needs. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO. 

It’s all I can think about. I can’t even study. FUCK YOU, TEENAGE HORMONES. Driving me insane. I am so sexually frustrated.

I fucking hate surprises. I always will. They fuck shit up all the time and cause more piss-off-ness than joy.

None of my close friends are going for the Sunburn Summerfest. I already bought my tickets though and I couldn’t find anyone to go with me. I’d been begging CP to go with me for the past 2 months but he told me he couldn’t come. Finally, I agreed to go with Mo. But then Mo told me he was going only for the last day, the third day. I said fine anyway. Atleast someone would be with me for the third day if not the first and second. Now CP tells me he was planning to surprise me and come for sunburn with me. what the actual fuck. this is why I fucking hate surprises. nothing every works out with him.

Now he’s, ofcourse, trying his best to make me feel bad about it. UGH. I’m so fucking frustrated. Nothing ever works out for me. NOTHING. ugh. FUUUUUCKKKKK

I feel very sad right now. I’m not sure why. I should be happy. My board exams END next week. I’ve been waiting for them to end for two years.

I think I can tell why I’m sad though. 

School is over. I’ve hated it the entire time, but I know i’m going to miss the people. We’re all starting over at new schools or new junior colleges. We’re all gonna be split up.

Class ten F will never be a class again (yuck. I sound so cheesy. Exactly what i’ve always hated sounding like. But it’s true.)

How am I going to keep in touch with all these people? I’ve made so many friends in school this past year.. and I am so bad at keeping in touch. 

I wonder if a day will come when I’m stalking their Facebook profiles and thinking, “wow I wish we could be friends again, I wish we’d kept in touch. I miss you.”

But even more than that, I wonder where I will be at this point next year. Whose name will come to my mind when I want to call someone to chat or when I’m upset? 

Who will I look forward to seeing in school/junior college the next day? Who will I die to tell news to?

Whose names will come to my mind when someone asks me who my best friends are.

I guess it’ll all pan out with time.. I just have to sit back and enjoy summer for now.

x

Today I gave my last ever EVS exam. Wow, that feels great.

EVS isn’t as easy as everyone thinks it is.

Ofcourse, when I reached school this morning, G had some snide comments to make to me (as usual). But AA defended me, which I was pretty pleased about. Because up till now, G has always been very snide in that sly way where nobody except you can tell. Maybe they’re finally noticing? 

I don’t know. The only reason i’m not saying anything to G is because she’s moving away next month. If we get into the same college though, I’m not sure what I’ll do to get away from her. She will ruin me and not let me have a moment of peace.

hah, and this is the girl who is supposed to be my best friend. Funny.

I spoke to U again, after really long. And I missed him, a lot. CP doesn’t like me talking to U because of some issue between the two, but honestly I only met and started dating CP because of U. And if U and CP have some problems I don’t want to get involved. I just want things to be fine with both of them.

More later.

x